Analogikal

A couple of thousand years ago, Virgin Mary gave birth to Jesus, the son of god. That was considered a miraculous birth, well, for obvious reasons. If you are confused about the obvious nature of the miraculous status of the birth of Jesus, in all likelihood you did’t pay attention in your sex-ed class or are a judge in the Indian high courts, or both.

So apparently the peacock is also a creature which has the ability to cause miraculous birthing. As per the explanation provided by a HC judge, this is how the peacock reproduces:

“Peacock is a bramhachari and it does not have sex with a female peacock. The peahen gets pregnant drinking the tears of the peacock.”

The venerable man of justice states that this is why the peacock is the national bird of India. Of course it is! It is not the peahen, god forbid, the female version of a bird species becoming the national bird of India, our founding fathers are rolling over in their funeral pyre just because that un-sanskaari thought crossed my mind. Or was that their undead wives rolling around as a by-product of sati. We will never know.

The Peacock apparently signifies the Indian male and I could not agree with that statement any more. You see how the peacock displays all its physical abilities without even bothering to strike a conversation? Well, if that does not exemplify the Indian man, I do not know, what does. Also, the peahen just stopping and thinking, ‘oh! this guy again’ signifies the expression and thought process of all Indian women, EVER!

I am gonna try and explain the Indian male using the Peacock. Don’t worry, no actual peacock were harmed in this process.

Firstly, the Indian Peacock doesn’t choose a mate for itself. The mama peacock and the papa peacock looks for a peahen of acceptable physical stature, financial background, moral fibre and complexion. Once the families agree upon the suitability of the mate, the peahen’s family has to offer a tribute of everything they can afford. This is usually a sign of submission and the tribute would work as protection money in the peacock’s nest. It is widely known that peahen’s who are unable to muscle up the tribute, face domestic violence and even fatal injuries, mostly from exploding gas cylinders.

Younger peacocks usually tend to hang out in flocks of fellow peacocks called ‘gangs’ or bro-hood or engineering hostels. The gangs usually ‘hang-out’ in areas where flocks of peahen can be found. The gangs are easily intimidated and tend to avoid eye contact with peahens. They are often seen making mating calls into a distance without addressing the mate they would like to be with. Even when they do, it is normal for the peahen to reject the peacock for obvious lack of charms. Apparently, having tons of feather is not good enough for the peahen. The rejection usually leads the peacock to a state of delusion. It hears the rejection call of ‘NO’ as ‘Maybe’ or ‘Try harder’. This back and forth continues till the peacock releases an acid like substance on to the peahen’s face, thereby teaching the peahen ‘a lesson’.

The Indian Peacock has a very complicated relation and existence with the albino peacock and peahen, which are usually perceived to be from the US or Europe. The Peacock sees the albino peahen as one with loose morals and waiting to drink the tears of the peacock. More often than not, the tears are forced upon the albino peahen. The albino peacock easily intimidates and unsettles the Indian peacock. Experts attribute this to the centuries of dominance the albino peacock species had on the brown peacocks. To overcome and at times pander to this insecurity, most peahens and some peacocks are seen applying brightening and fairness creams. With the shedding of feathers, the effect of this wears off. Unfortunately, even with the passing of generations, the Indian peacock is unable to get rid of the sense of servitude towards the albino peacock.

Lastly, peacocks are savage beings. Do not get carried away by the seemingly sheepish looks of the Indian peacock. If a peahen is found to be alone and vulnerable, the peacock will try forcing its tears on the peahen. This is usually justified by the lack of sanskaar in the peahen displayed by its lackadaisical attitude with regard to covering itself up. In cases where the peacock forces the tears on to the peahen, the peacock community condemns the peahen for having ‘asked for it’. As you can see, the peacock is at the top of the food chain and usually spends a whole lifetime in building a nest and the rest of the life in getting the peahen a right mate.

Life of a peacock can be confusing. To pea a cock or not to pea. That is the real covfefe…